Actual Resumes Submitted to Job Openings

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* The following are actual resumes submitted to online job postings.   All identifying information, including names of people and employers, has been changed in order to protect the innocent.


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Resume Reviewer: Susan
It's obvious this individual doesn't really want to work. This persons best option at this point is to open their own business, this way they can have their stool, they can open shop when they decide to wake up, provide what they consider non-degrading customer service, and they would never have to clean the toilet. This way the amount he/she makes will be solely on him/her, and there would be no one else to lay blame.

Resume Reviewer: Matt
There's a clinic on 5th and Main.

Resume Reviewer: Rick
Forget the issues he had on the job, I want to know how he made through high school...

Resume Reviewer: Karen
That shit happens all the time and it's even worse in the corporate world. You're not cleaning toilets, you're wiping asses - I see it all the time.

Resume Reviewer: Cheryl
Thanks for the laugh. It sounds as if he needs to be in therapy. The one lesson I have learned since being out of work is that this is not a perfect world and the people we work with are not always nice.

Resume Reviewer: Joan
I wonder if Peg cleans her own toilet.

Resume Reviewer: John
Oh, to be God's gift and be stuck with employers who just can't see it.

Resume Reviewer: Kathy
Unfortunately this sounds like the typical attitude of people these days. They want the money but don't want to be inconvenienced in any way to earn it. They think that showing up for work is enough to get a paycheck. He may not have wanted to scrub toilets, but I bet he would have been the first to yell if he ever used the bathroom and found it dirty. I think the Marine Corps lucked out when he decided (or perhaps they decided?) that wasn't the place for him.

Resume Reviewer: Jade
All I saw time and over again was "I quit because......" Who wants to hire a quitter, he had more excuses than an "Excuses for Dummies" book. The comment about the Marine Corps.....TACKY. He was lucky they even let him in. He should have felt honored. Needless to say, a waste of resourses....all of them.

Resume Reviewer: Kevin
How did someone that lazy, and who thinks everything is owed to him make it through the Marine Corps. I think this guy is mildy handicapp.

Resume Reviewer: Cherev
The kid is right: Many employers today think employees are wet-backs who can be paid and treated accordingly. Re the permanent washroom cleaning detail, kids often have a well-developed sense of fairness, and when they see favouritism they'll freak. A good many entrants to the workplaces were indeed cosseted by their parents, but if American businesses expect to replace the retiring cohort of wage-slaves, then the managers are going to need to break the harsh truths of American serfdom to the entrants a bit more gently.

Resume Reviewer: Patricia B.
I hear that there's a lot of standing involved with the Marine Corps.

Resume Reviewer: Larry
It's hard to imagine what kind of customer service work at a bagel shop would "degrade" one's character.

Resume Reviewer: Andrew
I wonder exactly what criteria this person uses to define another employee "fit for the job" of scrubbing toilets? This person must have a maid that cleans the bathrooms at home.

Resume Reviewer: Tom W.
Yes, standing for long periods is a very demanding job. Mrs. Barksdale is so cruel to "mistreat" her employees in this way. Perhaps a chair or stool could have resolved this labor dispute?

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